Marc's Journal

Happy Picnic!

Yesterday was Adelaide's annual "Picnic in the Park", a gay & lesbian event where we go to a park en-masse and drink, basically. Well, and sit on picnic blankets, parade our new partners infront of our ex boyfriends, get drunk, laugh at the lube-wrestling, and have a good perve. All fun, really. It starts at midday, so this year I decided to have a champagne and chicken breakfast to get everyone rearing to go by 12. It worked. We were all quite tipsy, lots of fun, really. I had to convince my lovely housemate to drive me to the bottleshop so I could pick up another 4 bottles of champers. All together I think we went through 7 bottles of a lovely Asti, 2 bottles of Croser, 1 bottle of Bollinger, and about 4 other bottles of mixed quality that friends turned up with. We were all quite merry, really. People just sat around my loungeroom, listened to music, picked at the chicken salad, and got drunk. As other people's friends turned up at the picnic, they'd go across to the park (just across the road from my house, quite handy really), and eventually we were all over there.

Picnic is a great event, 'cos you see people you haven't really seen since the last picnic. It's a lot of "oh hi, how are you, nice cute boy you've got there, we really must catch up, oh gotta go there's such-and-such" and running off to air-kiss the next person.
Ok, it's not quite like that. But to a certain extent it is.. hehe.. I was quite a fabulous sight this year - wandering around with a plastic martini glass and a bottle of Bollinger in my other hand. Fabulous.
My good friend and his not-quite-boyfriend-since-they-broke-up-and-they're-almost-back-together had a big argument whilst both were drunk, and I had to go down to arbitrate that for a bit, but other than that it went smoothly for myself and my friends. My boyfriend had some old(er) guy come up to him and say "has anyone told you how cute you are?" (which is like -7 points for trying, what a line, eh?) and he replied "my mum tells me all the time, gotta go, bye!". He's quite proud of himself. Rightly so.. *grin*
So yeah - was a really good day. Afterwards Craig and I wandered home, rested for a bit, ordered pizza and watched bad movies on TV. A really nice weekend, overall! :)

Joyeaux Noel

Merry Xmas all. Why do I say that? Because last night I attended my christmas party for the language school where I'm learning French. Well, I wouldn't say learning, I'd say improving. We all went to a restaurant down near the beach, it was really good. Great night, great weather, and a really nice outlook onto the beach. There would have been about 12 tables of about 12 people on each, so it was really quite a turnout. I sat next to a lovely young lady called Kate, and she and I chatted for most of the night, exchanging our overseas experience stories. She's in love with Italy; myself with France. But we've both found Venice to be particularly alluring, so we chatted about that a fair bit. Opposite me was a fairly quiet guy called Simon, after everyone had left he and I managed to have a conversation; he's in the airforce, moves around a bit, and is learning French because he's travelling there early next year.

So yeah - was a good night. Managed to use my gaydar to spot a couple of gay guys there - one learning French and the other Italian. Pity the cuter of the two was learning Italian though, not French. No matter. I'll find reasons to chat to them if I see them around the language school.
During the night was a quiz night, basically, and all related to foreign languages or culture. I think we did pretty well, including the bonus points section for getting up and singing a nursery rhyme in a different language.
I've only been at the language centre for about 2 weeks, so I didn't really know anyone, still, everyone was very friendly so I had no issues. It's a pretty vibrant school - students joke about it being like a cult, but we're all adults so I think we're able to cope. There are "cultish" type feelings on somethings, but I think that's just the centre's enthusiam for success and achieving. I think most of the students are quite cynical so it's probably a nice balance.. *laugh*

I got in!

To what? I hear you ask. Well, on the weekend I auditioned for 42nd Street, the musical. It's being done here next year, by the Hills Musical Company. I've worked with them before, they're great fun to do a show with. It's an amateur theatre company, putting on two shows a year. Anyway, I'm very excited. By the time that opens, it will have been six whole years since I've been on stage. Wow, thats a long time when I think about it. That can't be possible. Gosh, it is. The last thing I did for theatre was choreograph Fiddler on the Roof, in 1998. I was onstage for A Chorus Line in early 1998, I think that was.

So yeah! Back on stage. I'm going to miss most of the rehearsals, well, maybe not most, but a fair few, when I'm overseas. But the role of "Andy" (which I'll be playing) is relatively small. He's the choreographer of the show inside the show. 42nd Street is about a theatre company putting on a show, "Pretty Lady" I believe, and Andy is the choreographer of that show. My ex boyfriend is playing the director of that show. Funnily enough, we were both in A Chorus Line, where he played the director and I played the choreographer. Well, it's a bit different, since in that show the director also choreographs, and I played the dance captain kinda thing, but the relationship is the same. And we've also been director/choreographer in real life, since he directed Fiddler when I was the choreographer. Talk about type casting! Well, it's always a good team.. hehe

The audtions were fun - my first in quite some time. It started with a "cattle call" in the morning, where all people auditioning for chorus and/or small parts was required to turn up, learn a song, and learn some dancing. I was in the group first learning the song - I knew it already, as did most people, so that was quite simple. I think most of us were worried about the dancing part though - I hadn't danced for about 5 1/2 years. So it was our turn, and we got onto stage to learn the dancing. Wasn't much tapping, just a shuffle here and there, quite simple overall. We then got a break, and during the break I ended up going through the dance bit with everyone that was a bit unsure, ie just about everyone! I spent my entire break going through it, I suppose once a choreographer, always a choreographer! It was fun though. I like turning back to everyone and dancing with them, but doing the opposite, like a mirror. Keeps your brain active to be able to change like that, I enjoy it. Of course I had to do a lot of that when I choreographed Fiddler, so I was used to it. So yeah - after the break we got called up in groups of four, and I was in the first group. I wasn't nervous at all, we did our dance, sang our song, did the dance again, and that was it. Very simple. So I went back out into the rehearsal room, and everyone still wanted me to teach them the dance. So, flattered, I did... hehe.. It was fun. I went through it with most of the people, then took some "problem" people aside to help them out intensively. Of course I loved every minute of it.

So yeah, that was that bit over and done with. Then they wanted two guys, and a bunch of girls back for more intensive tap auditions. I was one of the guys.. *gulp* The choreographer said "we're going to go through this a lot quicker than the last dance" and boy was she right. She zoomed through it. Took me ages to get my head around it, and all of a sudden we're in groups and performing it for her. Shite! Full on tapping, well, kinda, no wings or anything, but proper slap ups and toe hits and all that jazz. I think I did just "ok". But yeah, it was still fun. After that I went home for a break, 'cos I had to return later on in the afternoon for a private auditon, since I was going for a part.

So I turned up later, for my private audition. I wasn't really nervous at all, strangely, since I normally *hate* auditions and almost end up puking. I guess because this time I didn't really mind if I got in or not, mostly I was doing it for fun, and to help out Max (the director). So yeah. I waited around as is normal at auditions, then went in. Sang my song, sang another song for a different part (the main young lead, shit I didn't want that part but they got me to sing it anyway) which was a little high for me, but I still think I did ok with it. Then came the dance part, and I was dreading "oh god, she's going to make me do wings or something" but it was about 15 seconds of soft-shoe and that was it. It was just token, really, I presume the choreographer had watched what I'd done in the group tapping section earlier that day, and didn't really need to see more. Then I read lines for "Andy" as well as "Billy" (the young lead), and that was that. He asked if I'd take the role of Billy if offered, I said "um, yes, if I have to", knowing that I couldn't *really* sing the part. So yeah, that was that! I went home and went to bed.. hehe.. Max (the director) called me later that night and offered me the role of Andy. Thank god.. hehe I wasn't really looking forward to making a fool of myself trying to sing the role of Billy.

So there you have it! I'll be back on stage around May next year, tapping away in 42nd Street! I'm looking forward to it.

Pre-New Year's Resolutions..

Hrm. On my walk to the shop and back for lunch, I figured since it's nearing the end of the year, it's time to sort out some goals. Hopefully realistic ones.

Financial/Asset Goals
To own a vespa! Cool!
To have a new mp3 player.
To get 'that rug' for the lounge.
To get a DVD/VHS player.

Personal Goals
To become fluent in French.
To go to the gym more.
To write more of or even finish the novel/screenplay.
To write, shoot and edit a short film of some sort.
To join the Media Resource Centre

Business Goals
Find a good part-time contract.
Produce a business plan for the cards idea.
Gain interest from vendors for the cards idea.

Wonder how far I'll get...

Needs Work, Renovator's Dream

Thoughts on my "type"
I think I'm a wimp. I've just realised this. On the weekend I took a road trip with some friends to Melbourne, where we clubbed and drank and ate and basically had fun all-round. On Sunday night we were at a pub, in the "gay" section on the side. We were basically just sitting around and chatting and stuff, and I could see these two guys up at the bar, obviously debating whether to come over and sit with us. Me, specifically.

And they did. Lets call them Richard, and Peter. Richard was good looking, with a big smile and an enthusiastic manner. Peter was gorgeous, simply put. But I think it was Richard that was interested in me, who instigated the "lets go sit over there and talk to him" manoeuvre. But, I wasn't attracted to Richard, although he seemed to be a lovely guy. Peter was gorgeous... Kinda short, with short blond hair, a nice flushed face (the Prince William flushed cheeks look), and a very funny manner. And a great voice, too. Not only that, he's lived in France for a year or so, as well as having studied in Germany. So we had lots to talk about - his take on the different accents of the regions, what the people were like, etc etc. He also seemed rather successful, doing international marketing with a bank or something, I can't really remember the specifics he didn't really go into. Richard was into social working, also quite interesting.

But I found myself becoming quite attracted to Peter. He was funny, smart, spoke multiple languages, had worldly experiences. Very successful, I would imagine. Nice apartment in a nice suburb. We even talked about landmarks in Melbourne and he agreed that I really should see the Australian art gallery, as well as a newly opened up domed ceiling in the state library. A man after my own heart, to value those kinds of things.

Throughout our weekend, my friends and I pointed out people to each other, ie "There's a guy for you, Brad", etc. That led to discussions on what our "types" were. If I want to look at someone, I like looking at people with the eastern european look, mostly. Anywhere in Czech Republic, Slovakia, Scandanavia, Germany, etc etc. I like that look. But my "type" of personality I go for, it's always the same. Well, the ones I end up dating are always the same. They're always a little bit flawed, I guess, and have much less experience than I have. Renovators delights, as it were. People with issues about themselves - be it being newly "gay", or something else similar. People with plenty of baggage.

But I also find myself terribly attracted to people like Peter, above. Successful people. People with which I would imagine a hell of a lifestyle. Two people with my income, dating? That would be wild. Two people without the obvious big issues? Fantastic.

But in the end, they always make me run a mile. Just look at my attempt at dating Dominic, when I last lived in Melbourne. He had no issues. He had his own company, he was successful, had his shit together, was happy with himself. Great to be around. Just no big flaws. I run from people like that - I certainly ran from Dominic. And Andrew, another friend from Melbourne. I'd say we had an opportunity to date, it just never eventuated. He's certainly cute, and very successful. Comes from a very successful family. He's very genuine, caring, honest, and smart. All those things I'm attracted to in a person, just not in a relationship. I look at him today and think "shit, maybe I should have dated him". I'd probably think the same of Dominic if I saw him. And I was certainly thinking that of Peter the other night. I imagined what it would be like to date him.

But I know I'd never go through with it.

Which leads me to my conclusion - I'm a wimp. People who are as smart/successful/together as me, or even more so, threaten me. I don't like being around people that know more than me. Some of Peter's French scared me. I found myself to not be the most interesting person at the table, when he was there. That's threatening to me. I wish it wasn't, but it is.

So I'm a wimp. I date people I can impress. I don't date people I can really learn from, I date people who can learn from me. Is it out of compassion for them, or because I'm a wimp? I'm thinking it's the latter.

At the beginning of the "courtship" with Dominic, I said to him "don't let me run away from this because it's too good for me". He wasn't sure what I meant. I showed him within a week - I was out of there. As George Michael sings in one of his songs "You look for your dreams in heaven, but what the hell do you do when they come true?".

Peter was the guy of my dreams. I want him, but I don't. I'd try to date him, but I'd run a mile. Do I not want to be happy? Or does it all come down to a guy's fear of committment? Do I run from things I think might work, only to find things that probably won't? Am I more comfortable failing? I already know I'm more comfortable when I'm not learning things from someone else. I already know that smart people make me feel uncomfortable.

So where to from here? I guess realising these things about myself will help me in the future. Do I continue dating people like I do, or do I try to find someone successful? I guess I'll just play it by ear. Anything that I end up in, that I put my heart into, is bound to be worthwhile, however long it lasts. I love Craig enormously. He may not be an investment banker, or multi-lingual, or able to travel overseas at the drop of a hat, but he's my boyfriend and I love him.

Visit to the family...

Well, what a fun weekend. I went back home for the weekend, for my dad's auntie's 50th wedding anniversary. It was great! She's the matriarch of the family, so it was no bother for me to fly back just for the occasion. Besides which, I also got to see my gorgeous niece again. She even remembered me! (Probably after prompting by mum). But still, it was good. Barbra (dad's auntie) and Ron (husband) hadn't been told about the night, it was a secret! Friends of theirs even lied about what was going on, and apparently they were quite disappointed that no one was going to be around that night to celebrate. Instead, we dragged them out to the pub where they got quite a surprise. It was a lovely night.

I got to sit next to Maya (my 17 month old niece) again, which was a lot of fun.. Nan on one side, uncle on the other. Was a laugh. Also had to arbitrate between my elder niece and nephew who were arguing over $5 my brother had given them to spend on computer games. Was I ever like that? Probably worse. They're pretty good kids, really.

Oh - I was also over to install a couple of CD burners for mum, for her shop, well, one at her shop and one at home. Her backups were taking up 6 floppy disks, and her old zip disk thingies were outdated and unsuitable. I thought teaching mum how to burn CDs was going to be like pulling teeth, but it wasn't too bad. She's catching up on all this technology eventually.. hehe

Saturday we didn't do much - worked at mum's shop in the morning (we had a ripper of a day!), and vegged about at home that night. We then later went out to Barb & Ron's place for dinner, and to play cards. I played abyssmally. Oh well. It's still fun, and I still love playing cards.

Sunday I slept in (yay!) and then we went to see my brother. I took the eldest nephew and niece down to the playground, and Kye rescued a bird hopping around with a broken wing. I knew his mum would never let it back in the house, but he insisted. Oh well, he'll learn.

I then played with Maya again, and we left. Vegged about the house a bit more and then went to catch my plane.

So yeah, a nice weekend for me. I'm being rather "family" this year, and I think Maya is to blame.. *laugh* It's nice, though, and makes a change.